Insecurities. I would say we all have them but at this age, I think we should all be happy with who we are…
No, wait. I take that back. By the end of college I would say you’re pretty grounded in who you are. So I suppose I still have more time to get myself together. I have this thing where I wanna be the best; the best girlfriend, the best mother, the best friend that I can be. This especially goes for anything that my boyfriend will like. If he likes poetry, I wanna be a poet. If he likes basketball, I want to at least be able to run a decent game with the guys. You get the idea. I know, its immature and pretty pathetic. I know. I know. I know. Well, too bad cuz that’s how it is. I hate me too.
So, there’s this girl that my boyfriend had sex with back in the day and I’m jealous of any and all the attention that he gives her. She’s gay now apparently and had no real interest in him…or so I’ve been told so it’s not like they won’t be getting together anytime soon. But still. I hate to think of myself as the jealous type but he keeps highlighting the things he likes about her everytime he speaks to her! Ok, he was in love with her at one point in time so there had to be qualities about her that caused him to take an interest. She’s a dancer, she’s a poet, she’s really pretty, she’s speaks her mind. I mean COME ON! It just really makes me feel like crap.
If I bring it to his attention, he’s only going to make me feel stupid. Happens all the time. So I guess this is a problem I’m gonna have to deal with on my own.
In my perfect world, all other females would look like shit and have shitty personalities and not be able to do anything special. All things that he’s unattracted to.
I just wanna know I’m not perfect, but I’m perfect for him. =/
